Author: Satan Claws
The dead and myself have been working diligently down here in the “South
Pole” on this year’s X-Mas(sacre) List. It is nearly complete (I’ve been a
little sluggish lately..all this fucking food! Newborns are harder to digest
than one might expect). Here’s a snippet of what I’ll be bringing everyone (in no particular
order…CHAOS!!!):
Fedor: A renewal of the invincibility powers I bestowed upon him in
exchange for his soul many years ago.
Andrei Arlovsky: The illusion of a chance at beating Fedor, followed by
severe disappointment.
Tim Sylvia: A selection of assorted pee-pees for the tasting.
Matt Serra: The opportunity to kick bible-toting Matt Hughes’ Midwestern
ass on behalf of NY and Italian-Americans everywhere. Look for the State to
lift the ban on MMA in NY within the next few months, thereby allowing this
fight to happen at the Garden. In the alternative, expect State Senate and
Assembly members to die a fiery-death!
Alistair Overeem: Kneepads.
CroCop: A fancy pen for his impending retirement.
UFC: What do you get for the company that has everything?
Wanderlei Silva: A win against Rampage (but does he really need assistance
from me?) followed by a shot a UFC LHW Champ Rashad Evans (there I go
letting mortals in on the future again).
Big Nog: The full support of Hades in his run for the “official” UFC HW
title. He’s a good shit, that one.
Frank Mir: The word “ASSHOLE” tattooed on his forehead.
Frank Shamrock: Invisible braces.
Tito Ortiz: A clue.
Anderson Silva: A challenge (NOTE TO JOE SILVA: Thales Leites is not a
challenge).
Keith Jardine: Good advice: don’t take the rematch with Liddell. You
already have the W on your resume.
Bas Ruten: A new job…you’re ruining Inside MMA for me.
Phillipe Nover: Takedown defense (in the hopes that he may still one day
prove himself to be the savior of NY MMA).
Badr Hari: A K-1 Rulebook.
Gina Carano: A video camera on which to record a high-quality homemade
porno to be leaked on the internet.
US Fight Fans: A good, non-streaming, method of watching Fields Dynamite
on New Years Eve (should be one HELL of a show [evil laugh]).
Now remember kiddies, if you hear someone rummaging through your house on
Christmas Eve…you should stay in your beds or I’ll chop your fucking
heads off with a butcher knife, string them together and make myself a giant
child-head cock-ring!!!
Filed under: Opinion | Tagged: Anderson Silva, Andrei Arlovsky, badr hari, bas ruten, big nog, chuck liddell, CroCop, Fedor, Fields Dynamite, Frank Mir, Frank Shamrock, gina carano, Keith Jardine, Koscheck, Matt Serra, New York Mixed martial arts, New York MMA, Phillipe Nover, santa claus, satan claws, south pole, tim sylvia, Tito Ortiz, UFC, Wanderlei Silva | Leave a comment »
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